I'm in awe.

God is awesome. I'm sure you already know that. But sometimes it's not in the fore ground of my mind just how much God loves each one of us.
Church was so good yesterday. God really spoke to me about the certain things that are going on in my life. The series we're in now is about running the race for God. JR (our pastor) gave a few points. The first one was about giving up your worries through prayer. Now, in my personal life, I've been worried about finding that right guy. Everyone is getting married, tons of people that are younger than me and it's been putting extreme pressure on me to find "the one." I always knew that you're supposed to give your burdens to God, but never fully gave it all over. I tried to control the situation by searching many dating websites trying to find my fish in the sea. Yesterday morning I can honestly say that I handed the whole worry of men over to God. I'm not dealing with it anymore. I know God has the person picked out..... he's somewhere..... walking around.... God has him ready and he'll have us meet at the right time. That's comforting. I trust God, finally. I'm letting go of the wheel and sitting back, relaxing. It feels good.

The second point was: Leave your pain in the past. Wow... I already "know" this, but I wasn't applying it. JR continued to say the only way to get past your pain is to forgive. Now, I know you know my history with Ryan. Everything about our break up hurt me bad. Damaged my self-esteem. I would think I was over it, but certain things would creep up into conversation about the different ways he treated me with lack of respect and how I was so unappreciated. I knew I needed to forgive him.... for everything. Now, you may say he doesn't deserve forgiveness... but I don't deserve God's forgiveness either and he still is so quick to forgive. So I went to the alter at the end of church and I forgave Ryan for everything he has done. I asked God would bless him with a women he could love also. It felt freeing.

Third point: Confess your sins. Among many of my sins, I confessed my retardedness of hanging with Denin still. I know its wrong... it's not working.... and I'm completely finished with him. I've let go.